All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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