Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize