My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
