did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
