He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
