at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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