One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
