Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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