shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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