Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
