I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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