nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
