I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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