I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
