clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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