Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
They have beer where we have blood.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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