I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
