I can't breathe out the right side of my face
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
