You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
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