Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I think my fart just growled at me.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
