I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
