I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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