try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
