I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
