What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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