I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
