Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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