I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
