this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
