my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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