new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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