theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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