now i know why i became what i already was.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
