Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I want you more than these girls want KFC
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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