I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
