Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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