Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
