Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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