***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
