Non-Jews are for practice
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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