Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize