I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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