The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize