So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
