That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
