I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
