Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
there's paper in my vomit.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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