How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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