I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
