Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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