oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
