OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
