it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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