but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Randomize
