Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
