i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
