We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
