if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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