shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
