she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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