i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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