He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
