He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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