I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
