My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude i'm inner monologue high
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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