he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
