planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
