i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The power of my boobs compel you
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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